..me and my world..

galau.
resah.
sial. perasaan macam apa ini!?
knp jg menghampiri!
urgh.
kacau rasanya.
:'(

hufht.

feel so worst,. gagal,. bnr2 gk mudah bgt bwt nrimanya trnyata,. i thought i was gud,. i thought i could pass it,. but i DIDNT,. 

i'm so bad at acceptance of failure,. i'm not gud at it,. apa pun,. in my life's goals or relationship with people,. i'm soo not gud at it,.

ak takut gagal,. i feel like the world hates me,. God hates me,. and i'm going to fail again and again,. :(

i want 2 reach dis,. i HAVE TO reach dis goal. But i'm scared dat i cant,. wat if the real thing is actually i'm not be able to reach dis goal,. i dont have it,. the skill, the brain,. oh maii,.

here i am,. back 2 the old me,. full with negative energy,. my friend call it >> pembunuhan karakter hahaa :(

they said, kegagalan adalah kesuksesan yg trtunda,. or its not dat bad, its just God has another plan 4 me, trust it,.

i hope dey r rite,. coz dats all is wat i'm trying 2 believe and trust rite now,. yeah, i have 2 move on,. i have 2 pass the 2nd exam,. i HAVE TO,.

okaaaayy, enough crying,. face the future,. mli dr niat yg bnr2 serius klu pgn lulus den usaha yg bnr2 maksimal trus doa ma ibadah yg bnr2 tulus n rutin,. bkn krn lagi butuh DY aj,.

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppppsssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
semangaaaaaaaaatttt,.

>> mncoba ngebkin positive mind set,. heheeee,.

daaaaaannnn...

smoga smua keakinan n positif mood ini brtahan,. amiiiiiiiiiiiin,.

God,. pliiis help me dis time,. i really need you..

td mlm mli lagi fase nangis2 darah tgh mlm ny,. mli krasa lg kehilangan ny,. nelpon orng ny gk d angkat,. akhirny nelpon edo [adk saia.], i know,. i sound like a drama queen,. tp saia memang se cengeng itu,. masi susah aj nrima knyataan he's gone. no more gudnite calls,. no more this,. no more that,. oh my,. lgpl 24 jam aj blum,.
abis telpon2an ma adk,. d suruh nyerah aj ma dy,. lepasin aj,. he said he loves me no more anyway,. ak bs ngarep apa lg,. tp ttp nrima knyataan itu susah bgt,.
bgun pagi2, mata bengkak, ngliad hp >> no sms no missed call [bhkn dy gk nyoba bwt nny knp nelpon dy sejuta kali td mlm..] lalu brjanji bwt ngakhirin ni smua, brniat bwt brubah,. mu mli nrima kenyataan,.
nyoba aj ngejauhin pikiran dr dy,. useless,.


akhirny gk tahan lg,. :( sms dy, nny kmi masi ada kemungkinan balikan lg gk?
and he said : dy cm lg pgn sndiri skrg. gk mw ada beban pikiran.
...........
..........
itu penolakan secara halus bkn?
ungkapan "yeah, actually.. i dont love you anymore. plis understand."

nyesal bgt nny itu,. hasilny begini kan. ngrasa teramat sangad gk brarti.
Oh God,. down bgt,.







Oh my,. this broke up thing happened so fast,. gmn bs ak fine with dis??? 2 days ago i still found my life was so wonderfull,. so perfect,. so complete,. dan ak rasa bkl bgtu ampe seterusny. bhkn ak ngrasa i will NEVER listen to broken heart songs ever again,. ak malah kasian ma smua org yg patah hati,. ak ngrasa thnkfull bgt pny hidup kyk gni,. ak uda ngrasa cukup,. [ak ampe nge posting tntg how wonderfull my life is now] ak ngrasa soo hepi,. ntahlah,. tiba2 dlm itungan jam,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,. O V E R.
ak bhkn blum smpt siapin diri,. tanpa aba2,. he said its O V E R.

and den someone said 2 me, Allah itu bs ngubah prasaan manusia semudah ngebolak balik telapak tangan.
trus knp tuhan gk mau balikin telapak tgn Ny lagi bwt bkin dy syg ak lagi? setelah sblumny tuhan dgn mudahny balikin telapak tangan Ny ngebikin smua syg ny dy ilang k ak.. kenapaaaaa?????
hufh.
cape dgerin omongan org.

today :
i finally got my S.Ked [thnk God.]

and... i broke up with him...........................................................................................
few hours ago..
and its.. yes. official,.
without any chances dat we can reconcile again...
he simply told me dat he just loves me no more..




i'm not sure i can b just fine 4 the next few [many] days..
dis is sumting..
and he is someone..

i'm just..
i'm really not okay rite now..
really..






i cried him a river already.. and it just wont stop.. its just soo hard..
yeah i know its not the first time i have to deal with dis kind of thing.. but still...............
God, i screw up sooooo bad dis time.........................................................................

i hope dis is just a nightmare..
i'll wake up,. and everything's going 2 b fine..
he still loves me and we're still a couple like we used 2 be..
dis is just a nightmare..
pliis somebody wake me up....
pliiiiiiiisss...............

hahahhaaaaah *ktawa smbil nangis.* dasaar gobloook. hr ini ak dongdong lagiiii.. aaaaah oon bgdbgdbgd siiiih.. lagi2 ngulang2 slhnyaaa.. uhuuuuh. aaah. uuuuuuh. aduuuuuuuuuuuuh sayaaaaaaaaannng maafkaaanmaaafkaaaan pacarmuu ini lagilagi begituuuu huhuhuuuuw oon ny keseringaaan kumaaat.. gilaa yaaah heran knp ak bs kuliah d FK hahahahahahaa
sayaaaaaaaaaannggg.. maafkaaaaann...
jd gk bs bubuuuu....
huhuuuuuwwwwwwwwwww
*nangis mratapi kebodohan.*
bagaimaaaanaaa iniiiiii....

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